'rekwēəm

Rebirth

April 14th, 2026

Disclaimer: Let me change the tone for a bit today’s post.

For my birth month, I bought myself a laptop.

It might not seem monumental to most, but for me, it is quite a statement. Mind you, the laptop I bought is secondhand. Nevertheless, the significance it holds has more than proven its value.

For six years, I have toiled myself into exhaustion. I drove myself to burnout and lost parts of who I was, all in an attempt to prove that I was “adulting” the right way. The repetition of daily life dulled the colors around me and muted the words within me.

I became monotonous and monochromatic.
Literally and figuratively.

It now takes effort to create anything — a drawing, a sentence, an idea, even a thought. Sometimes, the effort feels too heavy, and I let go, sinking deeper into nothingness instead.

So when I decided to buy this laptop, it wasn’t for vanity or material gain. It was a last-ditch attempt to take back who I used to be — creative.

But even with the hope this brings, I know the way back is not linear. It will take more than sitting down and trying to piece words together, to form sentences, to build stories, to color a world that once came naturally to me.

I know there will be days when I fall back into routine —
dazing out, letting time pass, doing nothing.

I know I won’t change unless I try.

So this is me trying.

Hoping that by this time next year — when I am a year older — I will find my way back to who I once was.

And to you, my dear tired self, do not lose hope. Our steps may seem small compared to the rest of the world, but they are significant for us.

So keep typing.
Keep writing.
Keep creating.

This life is ours to take back.

It’s time for our rebirth.
Turning Point

March 31st, 2026

I didn’t mean for this month to go quiet.

Somewhere between plans and reality, everything started slipping out of place — not all at once, but enough to feel it.

What was supposed to be a break turned into something else entirely. I got sick. Then got sick again. Moments that were meant to feel light — a trip, time with family, familiar places — were softened by fatigue, by discomfort, by the kind of tired that lingers longer than it should.

Even the good parts felt… interrupted.

There were small windows of normalcy. I saw friends. I stood by the water. I tried to be present. But it never fully settled. Something was always there — either in my body or at the back of my mind, pulling me slightly away from the moment.

And then things outside of my control grew louder.

Flights were getting canceled. Plans became uncertain. What should have been a simple return turned into waiting, adjusting, watching updates, and quietly hoping things wouldn’t escalate further. It’s a strange feeling — being physically somewhere, but mentally divided between where you are and where you need to be.

By the time I finally made it back, I realized how much I had been carrying.

Work felt grounding. Familiar. Structured. Something I could return to when everything else felt unpredictable. And yet, even that came with its own adjustment — finding my rhythm again after being away longer than expected, relearning the pace of something that once felt automatic.

There is comfort in routine.
But there is also a quiet disorientation in returning to it after everything shifts.

And even now, there is that lingering awareness — that things are not entirely stable. That what has quieted can always become loud again. It doesn’t take over everything, but it stays in the background. A quiet tension. A reminder.

This month did not unfold the way I thought it would.
It did not offer rest the way I needed it to.

But maybe this is what a turning point actually looks like.

Not a dramatic moment.
Not a clear decision.
But a series of disruptions that gently force you to see things differently.

To notice what you hold onto when everything else feels uncertain.
To recognize what grounds you.
To understand how you move when plans fall apart.

March felt interrupted.
But in that interruption, something shifted.

I am more aware now — of what matters, of what I can’t control, of how I respond when things don’t go my way. It’s not clarity, not yet. But it feels like the beginning of something quieter, something more internal.

A turning point that doesn’t announce itself.
Only reveals itself in hindsight.

And for now, I am still here.
Still returning.
Still learning how to steady myself in the middle of things I cannot predict.

Maybe that is where the shift begins.

Rebirth

Turning Point